


vent

by DlBELLA



Category: 9-1-1 (TV)
Genre: ADHD, Gen, Hanahaki Disease, Mental Health Issues, Out of Character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-01
Updated: 2019-11-12
Packaged: 2021-01-16 10:47:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21269777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DlBELLA/pseuds/DlBELLA
Summary: oneshots of buck dealing with different illnesses and diseases and disabilities and disorders and syndromes or whatever because i need somewhere to vent and put my research{ DISCONTINUED }





	1. adhd - breakcore

**Author's Note:**

> i love buddie but it’s not gonna be here bc this is vent /: it’s not supposed to be romanticizing anything. if they’re together in a scene, you can interpret it as romantic but my intention is best friends always in this book
> 
> ps this is how i deal with adhd and how i feel abt the music i listen to (breakcore) that helps me stim and deal with it ): pls don’t say anything rude abt it ): it’s personal to me
> 
> song i imagined he listens to hehe : https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=kTP6rLXY8mk

Music was one of Buck’s anchors in life, he could be found around the firehouse with his headphones on basically always. But different from the team, he never let anyone know what he would listen to. 

Eddie loves classic rock and Spanish music to remind him of home and his family, Hen’s guilty pleasure was Kpop and musical theatre, Chimney enjoyed pop music and opera, Bobby found country entertaining and he liked classic rock as well. There were other genres everyone had in common that could be heard around the firehouse and the bar when they did karaoke nights, but Buck never contributed to any of it. He never put a song in queue to be played during a party or got up to sing his own choice of a song during karaoke. Chimney asked Maddie once out of curiosity and she shrugged, she hadn’t exactly seen her brother for a few years, she didn’t know what he was into now.

So the team (+ Maddie) plot to find out Buck listens to, its not important but they’re curious and they never back down from a challenge.

Bobby tries his best to confiscate Buck’s phone if he pulls it out during a job, a ride, in the firehouse or when he visits the Nash-Grant household. But Buck will always put it away when Bobby even gets near him when he has his headphones in.

Chimney tries to be sneaky and get behind Buck when he changes the song or playlist on his phone or laptop, but Buck will roll his eyes and use the headphones to change the song instead. 

Hen just asks him directly when she sees him wearing the headphones, she doesn’t believe any other approach will exactly work. At the dinner table doing paperwork with the headphones in? “Whatcha listening to?” Lying on the couch when the klaxons haven’t gone off in a while? “What’s playing?” Buck never responds, just smirks up at her and gets back to whatever he was doing before.

Maddie decides to ask him for music recommendations constantly, stating she needs some new music because “new city calls for some new tunes.” Buck shrugs her off, telling her to listen to the radio instead of bothering him.

Eddie is closer to Buck, so he takes more personal approaches. He asks if he can use Buck’s phone and refuses to say what for, just that he needs it for something. Buck fiddles with it for a few seconds before handing it off. Eddie’s eyes widen as he fails to locate a music app or anything searched up on Safari. He then tries to share the headphones with Buck so they can listen to a song together but Buck will say his headphones are broken or refuse to give him the other bud, putting it in his own ear instead.

The “Operation Buck Bumps” is a fail, they decide at a secret dinner together at Bobby’s house with Athena present. They drink to their failure and Athena sighs as she takes a big sip of her wine; does she have to do everything herself?

She goes to the fire station the next day and ignores her husband when he tries to stop her and ask her why she’s here. He follows her instead, Chim, Hen and Eddie doing so as well like a line of ducklings following their mother.

The police sergeant goes to Buck who sits on the couch, feet on the floor and one of them bounces rapidly on the floor. It might be in sync with the music that plays in his earbuds and Athena is going to try to figure that out. She grabs his phone, Buck too late to stop her, and rips the jack out. She turns up the volume and presses play on the paused music.

The team is frankly shocked by what they hear.

Bobby and Athena cringe the most because they’ve never heard anything like it before; it might be wrong to even call it music. It’s a series of just noise, that’s all they can say. 

But Buck is familiar with the music, he barely flinches as it is unplugged. His feet and head move along with the music, the stimulations sending pleasure throughout his body. His mouth moves along with the barely audible words and that’s how the team knows that this is what he likes, he’s so familiar with it.

When the song ends, he snaps out of it and is quick to pause before the next song plays. The room is quiet, perhaps everyone is keeping their thoughts inside their head and Buck doesn’t know if that’s good or bad.

“Um,” he breaks the eerie silence, tapping his foot in rapid motions, similar to a few minutes ago.

“That’s what you’ve been listening to?” Hen helps him out, sitting on the couch next to him.

“Why is it so important to you guys?” Buck blurts right after Hen finishes her questions and the rest of the team is shocked by it.

“We were curious to be honest with you, Buck,” The captain answers for the team except Athena who rolls her eyes, kisses Buck’s head and walks off, presumably back to work.

“Well, uh, I have ADHD,” the nerves in Buck’s body are going haywire and he finds any way he can to stim, fiddling with his fingers, chewing on his lip and he continues with the foot tapping. “This kind of music helps me stimulate myself, which can keep me calm and relieve some of my anxiety. I can also have sensory overloads, so this helps me decrease those feelings when it happens. I didn’t mean to pique anyone’s curiosity, I just don’t like sharing it with anyone; this is usually what I listen to though.”

“Thank you for sharing that with us,” Eddie states, truly meaning it, “I know it can take a lot to share stuff like that.”

“Yeah!” Chim chips in. 

“I’m proud of you,” Hen smiles, resting a hand on his shoulder.

“We all are.” Bobby copies Athena’s actions from earlier, kissing the boy he thought of as his son on his forehead.

“Thank you so much,” Buck says, tearing up slightly. He loves his family, he thinks as his foot stops tapping, slowly and then all at once.


	2. hanahaki - death of me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hanahaki Disease (花吐き病 (Japanese); 하나하키병 (Korean); 花吐病 (Chinese)) is a fictional disease in which the victim coughs up flower petals when they suffer from one-sided love.
> 
> TRIGGER WARNING FOR VOMITING, BLOOD, AND MAJOR CHARACTER DEATH
> 
> this will probably be the only buddie shot in here because this “disease” is romantic orientated (+ minor buck/abby)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> today was bad; had a huge breakdown and i just need to vent somewhere so have sum angst (:

“all my greetings are  
dying wishes to get  
close; my being is  
caught up and tied in  
with yours” —  
death of me , vérité

Evan Buckley had never been in love before, he was completely sure of it. Well, until he met Abby Clark. Then it all changed completely.

The moment he first met her in person, oh boy, was he fucked. Sure, she was older than him and she wasn’t the prettiest girl on the planet, but there was something between them that he had never felt before. And he lived for that feeling, so therefore he lived for Abby.

But then Abby leaves and a while before she tells him, Buck experienced something that scared him. It started with the feeling like he had trouble breathing at the most random of times. It didn’t make sense since he was pretty physically fit and the only time he felt that was on the job. But he ignored it.

And then when Abby leaves him at the glass doors of the airport, the feeling comes back and it hurts like hell. It’s a stabbing, red hot pain in his lungs that travel up all the way into his pharynx and out his mouth. He catches what falls out and stares at a blood soaked rose petal. But the shock overcoming his mind and body don’t even let him register the foreign object that should not have been in his respiratory system. He throws the plant away and makes his way back to his car, eager to leave the area.

Over the time that Buck spends living in Abby’s house, the pain throbs and becomes searing hot when he thinks specifically about Abby and how she’s most likely not even thinking about him. He makes a full ross with the amount of petals he’s coughing up before distractions make their way into his life.

Maddie and Eddie are what distract him from his pain and lost love the most, he’s very intent on taking care of his older sister and the child of the new recruit that Buck quickly deems his new best friend. It’s because of the three that he decides to move out of Abby’s place and that’s when the throbbing goes away and he doesn’t feel that sort a pain for a while.

He completely forgets what a rose petal even looks like eventually.

♡

Then the tsunami happens and he’s with Christopher and then he’s not and that’s when everything goes absolutely wrong. But at the end of what seems like the longest day in his fucking life, he collapses to the ground in Hen’s arms, staring at Christopher wrapped safely in his father’s arms.

A day or so later, Buck is sitting at home on his leave, staring into empty space and thinking of the most important people in his life. Speak of the devil; a knock resonates from the front door. A few seconds later, Buck finds himself staring into Eddie’s eyes. That quickly changes when Christopher hugs him softly. “Hey, Buck,”

It’s a short conversation that occurs between the two adults while Christopher sits down in front of the TV and turns on a cartoon. Then, Eddie says something that makes Buck’s chest throb in the way he had forgotten.

“Buck, there's nobody in this world I trust with my son more than you.”

When Eddie walks out after kissing Christopher on the forehead as a goodbye, Buck chokes on something and spits out the suspect. He stares at a different type of flower petal but a flower petal all the same; covered in blood and leaving his lungs out of breath and his chest aching. But he throws the petal away in his trash can and turns to Christopher instead.

♡

After Buck files the lawsuit and Eddie finds out about it, he’s never felt that much pain. Even the pulmonary embolism and the entire fire truck crushing his leg couldn’t compare to what he felt in his chest. He’s throwing up more than one petal at a time, blood completely engulfing something he used to consider beautiful.

When the crew comes into his lawyer’s office for a meeting, Buck is a sad puppy as he ignores his chest once again. Then Eddie glares at him and he excuses himself to the bathroom where he pukes up half a flower.

♡

It’s after midnight after the Halloween shenanigans and Buck passes Eddie as he’s packing the festivities away. Every single word that falls out of Eddie’s mouth is another breath that is stolen from Buck’s lungs. When Buck accuses the older man of being mad at him is when it hurts the most.

“I’m not mad, I’m just...”

Eddie trails off, closing his eyes as he tries to find a word to describe how he feels towards the man in front of him. But his eyes flash wide open as he hears a loud thump, finding Buck on the ground in front of him.

He’s coughing violently and his horrible position on the hard ground doesn’t seem to be helping. “HELP!” Eddie yells loudly, fumbling with Buck’s body and trying to get him upright instead.

Eddie watches in silence as Buck coughs up bloody complete flowers into his lap. The captain rushes over from somewhere in the firehouse and stares in shock at the soiled flower. The two don’t know what to do and they watch Buck cough out plenty more of the flowers, Eddie struggling to place in his mind what they are.

The flowers never end and the one after is even bloodier than the one before it, Eddie and Bobby watch in dismay as Buck eventually lies back in the former’s arms, his body completely lifeless with flowers softly falling out of his bloody mouth. The superior is quick to look for a pulse, but Eddie already knows what he’s going to say. His eyes water and he stares down at what’s basically a bloody bouquet in his lap.

“Dahlia pinnata,” he states quietly as Bobby calls 911, requesting emergency medical services to come as soon as possible.


End file.
